Julius Malema's erectile dysfunction
Malema's combination of stupidity, greed and arrogance make him a man to be feared.
JOHANNESBURG - The Out to Lunch column this week celebrates its first birthday hosted by Moneyweb. So I am cracking open the pink Moët, shaking the bottle up a bit and splashing it over the grateful poor. Let them not eat cake. Rather let them feel the froth of a good French bubbly on their proletarian skins. Like Julius, I come from a struggle background and will never forget my cheroots. I once struggled to get upgraded on a flight to Zurich (from Business up to First obviously) and I also struggled to get a table at The Ivy in London. Someone called AA Gill was sitting at the table I wanted. I even struggled to work out why the Paper for the Poephol led with such a non story last Sunday when so much had been happening during the week. The middle class have been facing a cash crunch ever since the global financial markets went into a tail spin well over a year ago. Fortunately the editor and staff of the City Press spend less time propping up the bar at Katzy's and managed another fine front page lead on JuJu and his allegedly ill gotten gains.
Predictably Julius came back fighting although he hasn't given any convincing answers as to where he gets all that money (and R54m is quite a decent current account balance) or apologised for his collapsed bridges; now fondly known as his "erectile dysfunctions". This week he labelled Helen Zille a "satanist" and cast aspersions on Patricia de Lille's pulling power with the opposite sex. Not that any particular lady has been linked with JuJu. One would have thought that JuJu's popularity with the media would have lead to all sorts of revelations about his love life, or lack of. Maybe this is what City Press are planning to serve up this Sunday while the Paper for the Poephol astounds us with the shock front page revelation "Poor people have less money than rich people". OK....no more ST bashing this week but the aptly descriptive variation on the ST slogan "the paper for the people" came up at a gathering of like minded ex-ST readers the other day at lunch and it was too good not to share. We may even print some T-shirts.
The antics of Julius Malema may be good for a laugh now but they remind me of the early days of Idi Amin. Young JuJu is already allowed to travel in a car with no number plates with no fear of prosecution. He refuses to give answers to the media as to how he acquired such wealth in such a short time and he may even enjoy special status with the Receiver of Revenue. In the face of overwhelming evidence that he's a sleazebag the ruling party remain silent. Perhaps they have their own plans for JuJu but maybe they are quietly chuckling to themselves and saying "that's my boy". If it's the latter then we really are up shit creek without a paddle. We will look back on 2010 not as the year we hosted the FIFA World Cup but as the year the cancer that destroyed the country was first detected and identified. We've had some low lifes before, and many of them from the ANCYL, but Malema's combination of stupidity, greed and arrogance plus his willingness and ability to lie with a straight face make him a man to be feared. We may be chortling at his antics now but we won't be laughing when his goons start kicking in the heads of his political enemies. If JuJu wants something JuJu gets it so there'll be no argument about the nationalisation of the mines whatever JZ may have said to Gordon Brown. It won't be JZ's government any more so it will have been no lie for him to say that "my government have no plans to nationalise the mines". Things change quickly in Africa and a verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on as Sam Goldwyn once said.
And the media won't fare too well either. JuJu will by that time have declared himself emperor for life and will be throwing huge parties and feeding the likes of Stephen Grootes and Justice Malala to his pet lions and videoing it for YouTube.
If you think Malema is a joke look at his supporters. Are they livid that he has bilked the poor and lives a life of luxury? Of course not. To them he is the man who, along with people like Jimmy Manyi, is finally going to put the whites in their place. These are the chaps whose destiny it is to foment racial hatred. It's only a matter of time before white bank accounts will be frozen and redistributed to the needy. The argument will be typical Malema logic....you can't need the money if you leave it in the bank earning interest. Whites will not be allowed to leave anything to their descendants and white businesses will need to be black owned. No sorry.....my mistake....we already have that one don't we? Rather like the Jews before World War 2, whites will look back and wonder why they never saw it coming. Well they probably did but they were too timid to speak out for fear of being labelled racists.
After 24 years as a trader in the global financial markets David Bullard decided to opt for an easy life and became a journalist. His iconic "Out to Lunch" column has been running for 16 years and is as offensive as ever. Not that he gives a damn...