Monday, February 25, 2013

The cremated husband

Dust to dust ashes to ashes
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. 

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....

"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" 

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,  

"Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"   

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?"  "Well, here it comes."  

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Advantages Of Mothers Milk

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. 
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' 

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. 
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. 
However, he wrote: 
1) It is perfect formula for the child. 
2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 
3) It is always the right temperature. 
4) It is inexpensive. 
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 
6) It is always available as needed. 
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before 
the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the 
ground where the cat can't get it. 
He got an A. 

Monday, February 11, 2013

A very true reflection of South Africa

It is the sad truth i am afraid

Why the Irish need help sometimes

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a
 line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

 As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table
, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.
 He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin,
 and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

 They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a
 four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Kylie Minogue's priceless moment

The Picture That Will Stay With Her The Rest Of Her Life
Make-up and Hair style..............$500.00
New Dress for the show............$700.00 

Giant Stuffed Bear.....................$300.00
 Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in your hand..........Priceless!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Braai or BBQ pics for my friends overseas

There is no greater joy than a Braai on a lazy Sunday afternoon 

So guys when last did you smell the whole neighborhood braaing
on a Sunday afternoon its a smell i never get tired of...

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Nelson Mandela Capture Memorial Site

On 5 August 1962, an otherwise ordinary piece of road along the R103, roughly three kilometres outside Howick in South Africa's KwaZulu-Natal province, suddenly took on profound consequence. Armed apartheid police flagged down a car in which Nelson Mandela was pretending to be the chauffeur.

Having succeeded in evading capture by apartheid operatives for 17 months, Mandela had just paid a clandestine visit to African National Congress (ANC) president Chief Albert Luthuli's Groutville home to report back on his African odyssey, and to request support in calling for an armed struggle.

It was in this dramatic way, at this unassuming spot, that Nelson Mandela was finally captured, and proceeded to disappear from public view for the next 27 years.

It consists of 50 ten-metre high, laser-cut steel plates set into the landscape, representing the 50-year anniversary of when and where Nelson Mandela was captured and arrested, August 6, 1962, prior to his 27 years incarceration.
Stand at a particular point – the columns come into focus and the image of Nelson Mandela can be seen!
The extraordinary sculpture by artist Marco Cianfanelli comprises 50 steel column constructions - each between 6.5 and 9.5 metres tall - set into the KwaZulu-Natal Midlands landscape. The approach to the site, designed by architect Jeremy Rose of Mashabane Rose Associates, leads one down a path towards the sculpture where, at a distance of 35 metres, a portrait of Nelson Mandela, looking west, comes into focus as the 50 linear vertical units line up to create the illusion of a flat image.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Pastor rings bell on tipping

Pastor Bell goes viral laying the law done on tipping 
or is she just a miser? 
The Offending Receipt

The St. Louis pastor responsible for the credit card receipt heard ‘round the Internet termed her snide scribblings a “lapse in my character and judgment,” adding that the Applebee’s employee who posted the receipt online was fired yesterday after she lodged a complaint with restaurant managers

In a TSG interview, Alois Bell said that the online firestorm created by the receipt has left her stunned. “My heart is really broken,” said the 37-year-old Bell. “I’ve brought embarrassment to my church and ministry.”
The Applebee’s receipt, which was posted earlier this week to Reddit, includes Bell’s handwritten notations referring to an 18 percent tip added to the bill (for groups larger than six). “I give God 10% why do you get 18,” wrote Bell, who scratched out the tip and added a zero in its place. She also wrote the word “Pastor” above her signature.
The January 25 meal came after an evening service at the Truth in the Word Deliverance Ministries church, said Bell, who added that five adults and five children were in the group that dined at Applebee’s (a traditional post-service destination for church members). The subsequent bill was divided up amongst the parties.
Bell, seen above, said her notation on the receipt was a “lapse in judgment that has been blown out of proportion.” Despite scratching out the tip added to the bill, Bell claimed that she left a $6 tip in cash, adding that she subsequently discovered the 18 percent gratuity had been charged to her credit card.
Bell said she learned yesterday that a copy of the receipt was online when a friend called to say she was “all over Yahoo. You went viral!” In response, she called the Applebee’s to complain about the dissemination of her receipt, which includes her easy-to-read signature.
According to The Consumerist, the receipt was not uploaded to Reddit by the Applebee’s worker who waited on Bell’s party. Instead, the server showed it to waitress Chelsea Welch, who photographed the receipt and later shared it online. Welch said she was fired yesterday. In a statement, Applebee’s spokesperson Dan Smith reported that, “Our franchisee has apologized to the Guest” for violating the patron’s “right to privacy.” The individual responsible for the leak “is no longer employed by the franchise,” Smith added

This whole debacle opens a can of worms when it comes to ethics of both clergy and business there was a lack of judgment on both parties if you are to be fair. Well whatever you think leave a comment it is a bit of an ethical dilemma....