Thursday, April 26, 2012

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Keep your winning ticket dry baby

Keep your ticket safe

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.

"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.

"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I
Bought it with my share of the winnings."

A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.

Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.

She replies "My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought
It with my share of the winnings."

Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari,

You guessed it:

Her share of the lotto winnings....

That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while
She gets undressed When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is
Barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.

"What's this?" she asks her husband.

"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we??"

Monday, April 23, 2012

Any old cock will do a Priests lament

The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster 
and ten hens  he kept in the hen house 
behind the church. 
               One Sunday morning, before mass, he
went to feed the birds and discovered
that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in
the village, so he questioned
his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation,

'Has anybody got a cock? ' 

 All the men stood up. 
'No, no, ' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock? '
  All the women stood up.

   'No, no, ' he said, ' that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock that
doesn't belong to them? ' 
  Half the women stood up.

 'No, no, ' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. 
Has anybody seen MY cock? ' 

 Sixteen altar boys, two priests 
and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted. 


Dear Dr Ruth

Sex therapists get strange letters much 
like this one below
OK so seems like the earth started moving is this a letter..... 
Or is it a seismic graph?

Friday, April 13, 2012

Delusions of Grandeur and other bragging rights

Who wins this one?
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman are having coffee in St. Peters Square . The first Catholic man tells his friends,“My son is a Priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,
36? HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say,
Oh My God.”

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Titanic celebrates 100 years below the waves

1500 souls lay with her in her quite dark grave
Read her story and facts at
One Hundredth anniversary of 
the RMS Titanic sinking 14 April 1912

A picture of the lady's rear and her propulsion system

A photo of the Titanic on her maiden voyage 

Some simple facts about the ill fated ship

Titanic was almost as long as three football fields.

Including the four smoke stacks, the Titanic was as tall as a 17-story building.

Titanic's engines used more than 800 tons of coal each day. The ship's top speed was 24 knots (27 miles per hour).

Titanic was one of the first ships to have a telephone system and electric lights in all the rooms.

Titanic had four elevators, a heated swimming pool, a gym, two libraries, and two barber shops.

Each day, the passsengers and crew used 14,000 gallons or 63645 liters of drinking water.

Smoke and steam made by the Titanic's boilers escaped through three stacks. Builders added a fourth stack because they thought it made the ship look better.

Titanic could carry 3,547 passengers and crew. About 2,200 people traveled on its first and only voyage.

The most expensive tickets to travel aboard Titanic cost about $99,000 in today's money.

To feed the passengers and crew, Titanic had 86,000 pounds of meat, 40,000 eggs, 40 tons of potatoes, 7,000 heads of lettuce, 3,500 pounds of onions, 36,000 apples, and 1,000 loaves of bread on board.

As she looks today 100 years later
Who can forget the scene from Titanic with Leonardo and Kate
standing at this spot seeming to fly
A wider shot of the bow
 Shot of the ghostly Officer’s quarters of the Titanic
The less photographed stern lying 1600 yards from the bow

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Emily Meuleman South Africa's hot new export

Emily Meuleman was going to become a professional dancer - until the click of a camera catapulted her onto the world stage as a model.

The 19-year-old ballet dancer from East London is rapidly becoming one of SA's hottest exports after a stint on the ramp at London Fashion Week.

Instead of taking the traditional route of leaving school and going to university, she is travelling the world, earning money and carving out a career.

Meuleman was 16 and in Grade 10 when she got an unexpected opportunity to pose for a shoot for Marie Claire magazine.
This set off a chain of events that saw the brunette being signed up with Boss Models in Cape Town and Elite models in London.
She took a well-deserved break at home in East London this week after her first appearance on the ramp at London Fashion Week and shoots for international magazines.
"It was crazy, it was absolute madness. I have never experienced anything like that. You're working 18 hours a day and you have, like, 20 castings a day.
"But when you get on the ramp it's just an amazing feeling," she said.
In addition to modelling for London-based designers Kristian Aadnevik, Lucas Nascimento and KTZ, within a week of arriving she was appearing in shoots for niche magazines Dazed & Confused and Wonderland.

Emily a stunning beauty

What a beautiful woman keep an eye
on this lady she is going far with that look

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Woman who eat their own Placentas

They actually eat this?

Yes. Despite the women doing it a large amount of the time as a cure for postpartum depression, men have been known to consume placenta as well. This is not uncommon in nature; after all, many placental mammals eat their afterbirth to make their young less noticeable to predators. This even holds for the herbivores. Marsupials and monotremes are exempt.
The most commonly cited benefit of placenta consumption is that it helps balance hormones and thereby combats postpartum depression. . . . Web sites suggest using it in recipes like any other organ meat, pan frying it or cooking it in lasagna. Some strong-stomached mothers have used it raw in smoothies.
Human Placenta
The placenta tastes like liver and can be cooked like beef. It supposedly has the texture of heart, but I wouldn't know or want to know.

If all this sounds a bit too cannibalistic, there are “placenta encapsulation specialists,” often midwives or doulas, who transform the placenta from its messy postpartum condition into neat, sometimes even flavored, pills. “Mad Men” actress January Jones told People magazine that she began taking placenta pills after giving birth last fall and credits them with helping her to bounce back quickly. “It’s not witchcrafty or anything! I suggest it to all moms,” she told the magazine. “Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins. It’s something I was very hesitant about,” but she ended up taking the pills daily.
Hospitals consider the placenta biohazardous waste and dispose of it as such unless an arrangement to keep it is worked out beforehand. Sibley Memorial Hospital in the District, for instance, provides a protective container in which to store the placenta if a mother asks. But with 3,500 births a year on average, the hospital has only had only two mothers make such a request in the last year and a half, hospital officials said.
Doula Tabare Depaep is a placenta lady. She works out of her Annapolis kitchen, and said a placenta feels “like a big rump roast.” She doesn’t find it any worse than handling meat. (Depaep is a vegetarian.) “I actually feel warmer toward the placenta because it grew a baby,” she said.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

How to use an iPad in your kitchen

You don't have to speak German to understand this. The woman asks her father if he's figured out how to use the iPad she gave him, which he affirms without question.