Drunks sometimes have hearing problems

Yik she said what?

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”

The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken shit.”

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?”

Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”

So the man stumbles back to his friend.

“So what did she say?” asks the friend.

The drunk responded after first stuttering, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants.”

Huge outcry open coffin pics of Whitney Houston

Is this ethical is it respectful to the dead?

Last week, the National Enquirer had us reeling from a morbid photo shoot in which a model was paid to pose as Whitney Houston's dead body. This week, they take it to a whole new level: The tabloid printed open-coffin images from Whitney Houston's viewing.

The Offending Cover

That's her corpse on the cover. While it is customary, in certain cultures, for family and friends to gather for a final viewing of the dead, this particular image is invasive in that the viewing was not for public consumption. But here it is, at your grocery store checkout.

The publication was certainly not invited to the funeral home in Newark, and must have paid someone for an illicit camera phone picture.

But when it comes to photos of the dead, this is less out-of-the-norm than you might think. The New York Times published an image of Muammar Gaddafi's bloody corpse on the front page in October of last year; after the horrible earthquake in Haiti, photographs of corpses accompanied many news reports, in an attempt to convey the sheer scope of the tragedy.

Whether or not a printing a photo of a corpse is newsworthy — or ethical — is arguable, and there are strong cases for both sides: Images are news. Post-mortem photography has provided closure for the living for over 150 years.

The issue will be at newsstands and checkout lines in grocery stores across the country, where fans may wince, then reach out and spend $3.79 for a glimpse of their beloved star's final moments. Often when faced with news that someone is deceased, our reaction is, "I can't believe it." Funerals and viewings offer a concrete touchstone. Seeing is believing. That said: The context is upsetting (though, to be honest, not terribly surprising), since we can assume that the Houston family did not grant permission for the image to be printed, and someone made a wad of cash from its sale. It's also disturbing because Whitney's "last photo" is in the same issue as a story about Courtney from The Bachelor's "pregnancy drama" and an article titled "Ashton Kutcher Goes Cougar Hunting Again."

Original Post http://jezebel.com/5887332/Whitney

Frozen Shit falling from the sky

Residents across Germany are complaining that they’re receiving unwanted gifts falling from the heavens: Giant chunks of frozen Shit and Piss that plummet to the ground after leaking out of passing aeroplanes.

There have been at least three incidents of falling bodily waste in the last few weeks in Bavaria, Baden-Württemberg and Saxony, according to the daily Bild Zeitung.

Although chunks of ice have been known to fall from aircraft in the past, the string of recent incidents has officials scratching their heads, but thankful that no-one has been hurt so far.

In Rodersdorf, Saxony two weekends ago, an 81 year-old pensioner heard something hitting his roof. Upon further investigation he found 20-centimetre frozen balls in his garden that stank terribly.

And earlier in February a 1.5-kilo chunk of urine crashed into a family’s garden in Niefern, Baden-Württemberg.

A family in Nuremberg had a similar experience when a 2-kilo piece of ice smashed into its garden.

“I was relaxing in our living room. Suddenly there was a huge bang,” 59-year-old Erika Keil told Bild. “I thought our roof was caving in.”

Investigating officials said the ice is likely falling from leaky aeroplane toilets.

“When an aeroplane’s water tank is not closed, water trickles out, freezes and falls off,” a Nuremberg airport official told Bild.

Falling ice – whether from human waste or ice that builds up on the plane and then drops to earth – is a common phenomenon. Though no-one is known to have been killed by it, there have been injuries.

In 2009, for instance, a British pensioner in Bristol was bruised after a block of ice fell from a plane and hit his thigh.

What can I say "Shit Happens" gives new meaning to be shat on from a dizzy height!

Ed Zachary disease a bum diagnosis

Ed Zachary disease...

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see, an old well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.
...
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "Ok, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery,reery fass to odder side of room."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said,"Ok, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."

So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You
haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied,"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."

Pool played African style

Who says Africans are not industrious?

These little buggers have set themselves up some kinda pole and dagga table

Kids anywhere given a chance make a plan

African kids thoughts on Angelina

Hilarious LMAO

You can think what you like but you cant always say

what you like however a pic is worth a thousand words

Happy Valentines Day Everybody

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity.

He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine".

Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

Over time, February 14 has become the date for exchanging love messages and a celebration of St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers. The date is marked by sending poems and simple gifts, such as flowers, to loved ones and secret loves. By far, Valentine's Day Flowers are the most popular gift today.

Well that brings us to today oh boy have things changed!

Today its all about how to get that leg over you have been scheming about for so long and oh boy are we men or woman "Don't forget woman are emancipated now" really at our most cunning when we want a little Noomfies.

So all be told and said tonight some of the corniest and most well designed elaborate schemes are going into effect and most are designed to get that special person in your life naked and screaming your name.

You may ask how and why well most cases it involves alcohol and lots of it at that. Then large amounts of chocolate or gifts and flowers that melt the heart and make it impossible to say NO

However you are planning to rock the boat tonight enjoy the experience it is one of those days that swells the heart "amongst other organs" and makes us human, for love in all its guises is the most human and beautiful expressions of mankind, so my friends enjoy this day and do be naughty as that's what this day is all about!