Monday, November 29, 2010

The lone rangers last stand

The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaimed,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" .

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger,

who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.

"You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns,

this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

"You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request ?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to

the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,

looks him squarely in the eye, and says,


FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...


Thursday, November 25, 2010

How Santa spends summer this is just nasty

Santa spends summer in Africa
This just takes all the joy out of Christmas
Well look at the birdy at least that is pleasant
Hi ho and of to work we go

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What an adorable little pony

Don't all say cute at the same time

 Toy horses are usually pink and plastic – And aimed at young girls.
But this little pony is 100 per cent natural –And ready to make friends
 with anyone her size.Going for a walk: Sam leads the way,Followed
 by Bliss and her tiny new daughter Born ten days ago at a
 stud farm In the southern state of Victoria , Australia ,
The 15 in. Miniature horse is yet to be named.
But has already formed a bond with Sam Leith, 12.
Silver dun tovero in colour, she was given a clean bill of health –
And should reach 24 inches or 61cm when grown.
The birth has generated such excitement in the community. That local people are entering a competition to give the horse a name. Owner Lee Scown said she wanted a name that reflected the tiny, unique nature of the horse. 'It’s the smallest horse I’ve ever had and she’s so gorgeous,' Ms Scown said.

The miniature horse snuggles up to mummy as local people try to come up with a name for her. The horse, ... Currently only a little taller than this book, ... Is expected to grow to about 24 inches. 'It’s amazing to see a horse so tiny. She’s about the size of a week-old lamb.'

The horse is the smallest born at Riverdance and its arrival surprised even its breeder..  'We were told the mare wasn't due for another four weeks but on Sunday morning I walked outside and called her, and out ran the little foal behind her.'

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Facebook stinks and are a bunch of dumb lame twIts


Face book stinks

I got a message in my mail yesterday and here it is........


You uploaded a photo that violates our Terms of Use, and this photo has been removed. Facebook does not allow photos that attack an individual or group, or that contain nudity, drug use, violence, or other violations of the Terms of Use. These policies are designed to ensure Facebook remains a safe, secure and trusted environment for all users, including the many children who use the site.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page at

The Facebook Team

Hows that for a bunch of anal retentive twits who are at the top of there game or so they think. You get cut off and thats it no real reason provided classic American bullshit.

Ok so i do the normal thing and try to find out what i did wrong or posted that was so offensive and here is the reply!


You were disabled because you created or posted content (i.e., photos, groups, shares, etc.) that violated Facebook's Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.

Types of content that are prohibited from Facebook include, but are not restricted to the following:

• No nudity or other sexually explicit content
• No content that contains hate speech or directly attacks an individual or group
• No content that contains self harm or excessive violence
• No content that contains illegal drug use

Unfortunately, we won’t be able to reactivate your account or respond to your email directly. This decision is final and cannot be appealed.  You can visit the Warnings section of the Help Center for more information:

Thank you for contacting Facebook,

The Facebook Team

The home of Zimbabwes Robert Mugabe

Robert Mugabe

Nice hey in a country who's monetary system has failed
and has close to two million people on the brink of starvation
I think the old man is not doing to bad

You have to try these Durban style braai chops


•Any cut Lamb chops (4)
•3 green chillis
•1 clove garlic
•1/2 teaspoon fresh ginger
•1/2 tsp salt
•1/2 tsp black pepper
•2 tsp brown sugar
•1 tsp turmeric powder
•1tsp lemon juice
•1tsp Worcester Sauce
•2 tbsp olive oil
•2 tbsp Honey

1.Mince the chilli’s, garlic & ginger then mix together in a big mixing bowl.

2.Add the salt, turmeric powder, brown sugar & black pepper.

3.Mix well and add the oil to form a paste.

4.Add the Honey, lemon juice & Worcester Sauce.

5.When you have your marinade, rub it onto each chop making sure you coat them well. Allow to marinate in the fridge for an hour after which its ready to go on the hot braai
You need to eat these with a nice summer salad and a couple of beers

Drag boat with a V8 motor interesting design

See the interesting exhaust layout

Concentrate guys the motors exhaust system ah hell forget it 

Ever heard the expression "Biting of more than you can chew"

Now that's a mouthful

A crocodile grabs a elephant's trunk in the South Luangwa National Park in Zambia. Photographer, Martin Nyfeler was traveling through South Luangwa National Park when he witnessed this female elephant and her baby drinking from the Luangwa River. Leaping out of the murky waters a vicious crocodile set upon the pair, biting into the females trunk. Using her mighty strength the female - aided by her brave baby - survived the attack and was later seen feeding along the river later in the day.

Monday, November 22, 2010

You want me to smell what?

Some jobs just stink

When I signed on for this job smelling underpants was not in the contract buddy

Well now food advertising is getting quite risqué

Anyone for fruit?
I wont be thinking of fruit in quite the same way anymore

Don't tell me you don't see the innuendo in these picks

Friday, November 19, 2010

On the subject of Rhino poaching

This aptly tells it like it is

Horrific eighteen Rhino found massacred it’s all out war on Rhino in Africa

Eighteen rhino have been found slaughtered at a top game park, with their horns cut off, and environmentalists are pouring scorn on the official explanation for the massacre.

Limpopo's Department of Environmental Affairs said yesterday officials had stumbled across the rhino remains on the Letaba Ranch Game Reserve during a "routine census" in the past two weeks.

A preliminary investigation revealed that the rhino were killed on the 42000ha reserve attached to the Kruger National Park between 2005 and 2008.

But environmentalists have dismissed this explanation, saying that, in a reserve frequently crossed by hikers and tourists, it would have been impossible for the carcasses to have lain unnoticed for so long.

The department said yesterday officials undertook a "routine" game "census" over the last two weeks, during which they discovered the carcasses.

But spokesman Joshua Kwapa admitted that some of the rhino carcasses had not yet decomposed, casting doubt on the official timeline of the killing of the animals.

News of the latest rhino killings broke as the country battles sophisticated poaching syndicates which feed the trade in rhino horn.

SA National Parks spokesman Wanda Mkutshulwa said that, as of Saturday, 261 rhino had been killed for their horns this year. This excludes the 18 discovered at Letaba. In comparison, 122 were killed last year, and 83 in 2008.

Said Kwapa: "We found [the dead rhinos] a week or two ago. Some of them are just bones ... Nine of the 18 were in our register and we could account for them. We are still investigating the other nine, to account for them. We have launched a thorough investigation to try to understand what happened."

Letaba employees, who said park officials were "startled" by the discovery of so many dead rhino, added that only after an "intensive" investigation would they be able to say exactly what happened.

But Faan Coetzee, rhino security project manager of the Endangered Wildlife Trust, questioned Letaba's security, asking if it was possible to go for more than five years without discovering "so many carcasses".

"It is very disappointing to hear something like that. Their security is questionable. How can they go for five years without discovering them? There is something they are not telling us," he said.

Letaba is part of Limpopo's Ivory Trail tourist route, popular with international and local visitors.

Kwapa was unable to say why nobody had noticed the carcasses, or if Letaba employed guards. He could also not say when the last game census was held, or how many rhino lived on the reserve, where animals can walk freely between the ranch and the tourism flagship, the Kruger National Park.

It was reported early this year that many provincially administered reserves in Limpopo were in chaos, with no rangers to combat poaching or the illegal gathering of firewood by villagers.

Earlier this year, a report titled "Hunting in South Africa, a Bloody Mess", by Animal Rights Africa, said that "Traffic, an organisation that monitors the illicit trade in wildlife and plants, showed that as many as 200 rhino horns might have been illegally laundered by hunters and hunting operators".

"Rhino poaching in South Africa has reached its highest level in modern times," the report said, adding that the animals were shot under the pretext of trophy hunting but their horns were sold on the traditional medicines market.

Mkutshulwa said 133 people had been arrested for rhino poaching in the past two years.

Police believe highly sophisticated syndicates, consisting of veterinarians, wildlife experts and game farmers, are involved in the trade.

A team of police officers and officials from the National Prosecuting Authority, SANParks, the Department of Home Affairs, the SA Revenue Service and game farm owners was assembled early this year.

Mkutshulwa did not want to reveal how they planned to catch the poachers because this would warn poachers of what to expect.

According to the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species, trade in rhino horn is illegal.

But this has failed to stem demand for the powdered substance, used in Asian medicines and touted as a cure for cancer.

SANParks chief executive David Mabunda said in July that it was "no longer appropriate to refer to this spate of illegal killing as poaching, given the levels of sophistication, violence, precision and the money behind it".

"We are dealing with unprecedentedly high levels of organised crime, which the police and all security agencies are helping to defeat.

"We have worked hard to bring this species back from the brink of extinction and we will continue to defend it even if we become the last man standing."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

After the drug scandel in the Springboks I thought this was funny

Trust Zapiro with the Scotland test to come out with this cartoon
I like that hahaa

A Mastercard wedding I think this is the ultimate revenge...

You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.

He said he wanted to thank

everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.'

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this

guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000

Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD

A Mastercard Wedding

'Life isn't like a bowl
of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of Jalapenos--what you
do today, might burn your ass tomorrow......'

Thank God we live in civilisation and can have sex out of wedlock!

A Filipina maid and her Bangladeshi lover will each receive 100 lashes and be deported for having sex out of wedlock in Sharjah in the United Arab Emirates, a newspaper said on Monday.

The Sharjah Sharia Court ordered the woman to be lashed and deported for "unlawful sex", the Gulf News reported.

The man would be lashed 100 times for adultery and jailed for a year for entering the house belonging to the maid's sponsor without permission.

Advertisement: Story continues below He will then be deported.

Foreign workers in the UAE and most other Gulf states must be sponsored by an employer to work in the country. In some cases, employers hold the worker's passport and can deny them permission to change jobs.

According to court papers, the couple had sex in the house of the woman's sponsor.

The woman's sponsor saw her lover leaving the house and reported it to police, Gulf News said, adding that, after their arrest, the two admitted having sex.

The report said Muslim foreigners who commit adultery are lashed and deported, while non-Muslims are jailed and deported.

Both the Filipina and the Bangladeshi are Muslims, it said.

The UAE aims to be an international business and tourism hub and relies heavily on foreign workers, but also seeks to maintain traditional laws, leading to the periodic arrest of foreigners for offences such as sex out of wedlock or kissing in public.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

No wonder Harry Potter is sweet on Hermione

Bloody hell anybody seen Emma Watson lately Wow

Seen at the Harry Potter premier 2010
Nice very nice

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Walking Eagle an endangered Doodoo

Walking Eagle

On a recent trip to the United States , Julius Malema, President of the African National Congress Youth League, addressed a major gathering of Red Indians.

He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for South Africa .

At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.

A very chuffed Malema then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Malema.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.

No medical insurance beware.......

The best bum in Boksburg

Now that's using initiative

I would give this man money....

Monday, November 15, 2010

UK bride murdered on SA honeymoon if this carries on we will have no tourists soon

A British woman on honeymoon with her husband of two weeks was murdered by hijackers on Saturday night in Cape Town.

This was on the same day that a German couple were robbed at knife-point in their bed-and-breakfast in Eastern Cape.

The 28-year-old UK bride was killed in Gugulethu, Cape Town, after she and her 31-year-old husband were abducted from their tour vehicle.

Tammy Evans, spokesman for Western Cape tourism MEC Alan Winde, said the couple were on their way back to their hotel after dining out and asked their driver to show them Gugulethu township.

"They were interested in checking out the township vibe and asked their driver to show them Gugulethu," said Evans.

"They were hijacked by two men. The husband and the driver were ejected from the car separately at a later stage," she said.

Police spokesman Colonel André Traut said two men forced open a door of the VW bus in which the newly weds were passengers, ejected the driver and sped off with the couple.

"The 31-year-old man was dropped off in Harare [Khayelitsha]. He flagged down a passing motorist who took him to the Harare police station."

The man was unharmed.

The woman's body was found on the back seat of the vehicle at Lingelethu West just after 7am on Sunday.

Traut refused to say how the woman died.

"An autopsy will be performed to determine cause of death.," he said.

Traut said he could not give details of the man's condition or reveal his identity.

"We are not releasing anything. We are in the process of informing the families," he said. "Suspects are yet to be arrested."

The husband is still in South Africa and is receiving consular help and counselling, said Evans.

The couple arrived in this country on November 12.

A German couple were robbed on Saturday night while on holiday in the Addo region of Eastern Cape.

The manager of the Halstead farm bed-and-breakfast said the couple were on their second visit to this country but had vowed never to return because of the attack.

The manager, who asked not to be named said her business was ruined.
"I am afraid my business is closed now. I can't with a clear conscience have guests stay with me again," she said. "They have said they will never come back to South Africa."

She said two men entered the property on Saturday night.

"They must have climbed over the fence and waited for the couple to go to sleep. They opened the door with a knife and once they were inside they told the guests 'Don't worry, we are waiters" and proceeded to rob them.

"They tied them up with electric cables and torn-up curtains. They took passports, jackets, shoes, money - everything except the souvenirs they bought in South Africa."

The men also made off with the property's gate key.

The couple spent last night in Port Elizabeth waiting for assistance in obtaining emergency travel documents.
The bed-and-breakfast manager said the police had identified suspects but no arrests had been made.

The couple are expected to leave the country today.

Original story

Faceless always good for a laugh

The joys of Faceless

Friday, November 12, 2010

Sometimes honesty is not healthy for you

Wife asks husband "how many woman have you slept with?"

Husband proudly replies "only you darling - with all the others I was awake!"

Hospital visiting hours are 10am to 4pm

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Now you tell me this is not a good Vodka advert!

The effects of this liquid can vary and are not advised
for those of you with an already kinky disposition

Now then boys and girls where do we get this?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Whether to crumb or not to crumb

Nice one me thinks they toast

A contortionist by the name of Zlata pulls some poses


At the age of four Zlata discovered she had an amazing talent - and she has been bending over backwards ever since to make the most of it.

The Russian-born former gymnast, 24, is one of the world's most extreme contortionists.

At 1.78m and weighing just 54kgs, Zlata spends most of her day working out and training for shows around the world.

In one of her favourite acts she bends herself backwards at a perfect 90 degree angle - virtually cutting herself in half so the back of her hands touch her heels.

And she thinks nothing of casually pulling her legs up behind her and hooking them over her shoulders to land on the floor beside her hands.

She can even squeeze herself into boxes just 50cms squared.

Hows that for a cool pose
Kiss my what?

Now that's just weird

Zlata has a rare condition that makes all her tendons extremely pliable, allowing her to adopt seemingly back-breaking positions.

But Zlata, who now lives in Germany, wasn't always applauded for her contortionist ability.

She first started experimenting with her talent after her pre-school teacher asked her to create a bridge - where you stand on your hands and feet with your back arched - and she outshone her classmates.

She admits other girls her age were jealous of her and would pick on her at school

In where?
Kiss this you fool!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Quiche ala Wayne a fancy name for a savoury tart


1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour

1/8 tsp salt

1/2 cup cold butter, cut in small pieces

2 to 3 tbsp ice-cold water


8 strips lean bacon, cooked and crumbled

3 Vienna sausages diced
4 large eggs

1 1/2 cups half-and-half or whole milk

1/4 tsp dried leaf thyme

1/8 tsp pepper

1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded


Preparing the crust for quiche:

1.Mix the flour and salt together into a mixing bowl.

2.Add the butter and blend until there is a course crumb consistency.

3.Add water until the crumb mixture comes together to form dough.

4.Store the dough in plastic wrap in the fridge until you are ready to use it or at least for half an hour.

5.Lightly flour your work surface.

6.Roll the dough until you have a 30cm diameter circle.

7.Fit the dough into a pie dish slightly smaller than the 30cm diameter.

8.Trim the edges.

9.Prick the dough with a fork.

10.Line the dough with tin foil.

11.Bake the crust for 10 min at 190°C.

Preparing the filling for quiche:

1.In a small bowl whisk the eggs, milk, thyme and pepper.

2.Pour into the baked crust.

3.Sprinkle the bacon, sausage and cheese over the top.

4.Bake for 30 minutes at 190°C.
Cherry tomatoes or ham can also be used to funk it up a little use your imagination. These are great at picnics or for light lunches with a green salad