Thursday, March 29, 2012

Woolworth's hit a cross with there hot cross buns

Woolworth's you are a bunch of idiots and wallies and any other supermarket or chain who puts Muslim halaal certification stickers or marks on its hot cross buns is the same just plain insensitive.

God almighty man hot cross buns are “And i don’t care who the hell you are and what your stupid disposition is” a Christian bun traditionally bought out at Easter to celebrate Christ.

This is a matter of principal and moral propensity i am so tired of everybody bending over backwards to satisfy the minority. If you don’t stand for something you stand for nothing.

Well i stand for my faith  and at some point stupidity seems to have caught up with me but let me tell you that if believing in something wholeheartedly and with conviction is stupid then i fit that suit perfectly regarding this subject.

I am a Christian and having a Muslim have to approve and bless my food which is of a Christian nature and a religious celebratory food then i am going to get upset and if a heathen or agnostic or whatever you may be cant understand that then let me put it in simple lay terms for you.

It is akin to going over the road to your neighbour who is a vegetarian and shitting on his doorstep and when he complains saying don’t worry i only ate vegetables its safe.

So in short people we all have our sensitivities but don’t play with religion it the fastest way to piss people off. If you are not a Christian or Muslim this should not concern you but i tell you one thing Woolworth's the backlash will be hard and fast this is still a predominantly Christian country don’t underestimate the power and the mass effect of Christians, Top TV tried to take them on and failed just something to think about!

Anyway i am of to butter me a hot cross bun i got from the bakery down the road minus any Muslim shit on it and i am going to enjoy it with a cup of coffee 

Chinese people are pissing us all of now STOP


If its not Rhino horn its fake goods if its not that then its abalone or sea food as in fish and crustaceans.....Stop now that's enough 

TWO Chinese nationals have been arrested and a huge haul of 4611 mussels have been seized in a joint bust by department of fisheries officials and the PE flying squad. The bust took place yesterday (March 26 2012) afternoon in the dolosse area opposite North End prison. Mussels are plentiful from east of the harbour all the way to the New Brighton pier.

Mossie Mostert, a senior inspector in the Port Elizabeth office of the department of fisheries said the officers moved in following "information received”.

"The black or rock mussels were found stashed among the dolosse and they were confiscated together with the suspects’ vehicle, a Passat sedan. Two Chinese nationals, a man and a woman, both in their late thirties, were arrested.”

The law is 30 black mussels per person per day, Mostert explained.

"The suspects could face a maximum sentence of a R2-million fine, or five years in prison.”

According to eye witnesses, another load of mussels was removed from the scene in a vehicle by another group of apparently Chinese people, shortly before the officers swooped.

Mostert said a worrying trend had manifested in the last three months with Chinese nationals arrested in three different marine poaching incidents. Two men were arrested in connection with illegal gillnetting in the Swartkops River, two men were arrested in Seaview with in excess of 500 ollykreukel and before that two men were arrested in Blue Horizon Bay with more than 1000 sand mussels, he said.

The latest case but the indication at this stage is that the mussels were due for the local market.The couple were detained last night at Mount Road Police Station and they will likely appear in court this week.

Original Post http://www.peherald.com/news/article/5415

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

So lady you want to wax well read this first

Not sure who wrote this got it via Facebook but who ever did it is hilarious

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax', yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPPPPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out.....must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture Prisoners Of War or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.... 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
 IT WORKS!!

It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Jonathan Antoine Audition - Britains got talent 2012 another WTF moment


Another Susan Boyle moment wow! These two have the world to conquer ahead of them......... Good luck and way to go

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Caught in a trap

We're caught in a trap I can't walk out
 Because I love you too much baby
At her deadliest on her back
If ever their was a metaphor for marriage
this is it the female is a lot more sly
than you think so beware of
charging in boys

Friday, March 23, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

True confessions of Harry Potter

Aw Harry you sly little devil
 
 

Told you long ago he was a suspect 
Little Wanker

Friday, March 16, 2012

A sting to go with the honey

This caused quite a buzz

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's private.

The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his private, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the doctor said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."

Guaranteed weight loss program for men


A guy calls this company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/15kg program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.

'This is our most rigorous program.'

'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge hairy muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 20kg that week.

You want to eat my what cake?

When Marie Antoinette said let them eat cake I wonder if she meant this kind of cake





Cake is cake and a man must eat.....

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Trumps go hunting in Africa

Donald Trump's two sons went on a big game hunt in Africa, and the carnage they wrought has triggered outrage by wildlife enthusiasts. 

Donald's sons -- Donald Jr. and Eric -- went on a hunting safari in Zimbabwe a year ago this month, and proudly showed off their trophy kills -- including an elephant, crocodile, kudu, civet cat and water buck. 

In one shot, Donald Jr. is holding a dead elephant's tail in one hand and a knife which appears to have cut off the tail in another.

Buffalo Down
 Suppose this one is Rambo Trump

Elephant Down
 Look me cut Elephant tail of me big man

Kudu Down
 What a sweet family album shot with a magnificent dead animal

Water buck Down
 We two killers what men we are we kill anything that moves we two killers

Civet cat down
 Look I shot a kitty cat

Another Buffalo down
Another magnificent animal bites the dust all for some fools blood lust

Crocodile down
A big lizard shot by fools with to much money

Leopard Down
Our heroes with another kitty

Crocodile down
Don't just shoot it hang it as-well 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

World Naked Bike Ride In Cape Town

Once again a couple of Squirrels sat on their nuts and a few new skid marks appeared not to mention the squashed beavers



Last Sunday 11th March 2011, for the first time in Africa, a peaceful, imaginative and fun protest against oil dependency and car culture took place in Cape Town (SA). A celebration of both the bicycle and the power and individuality of the human body. A symbol of the vulnerability of the cyclist in traffic. The world’s biggest naked protest: 50+ cities and thousands of riders participated worldwide, including around 150 people in Cape Town.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Dont mess with a South African Mini Taxi

A homeless man in Bloemfontein gets the raw end of a taxi driver

video
These guys are a law unto themselves

Some parents need help

When I say help i mean Dr Phil's kind of help

 
 
 
 
 
As i said they need help and if you cant figure out
why then you need help as well

Thursday, March 8, 2012

How to play South African Monopoly

Madam & Eve
Strange how Monopoly rimes with "Corrupt Properly"
Read from left to right down the page

 

 
 
So South African LoL
See more Madam & Eve here http://www.madamandeve.co.za/

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Spot the odd Ice Cream

Guaranteed to stiffen you up or freeze  you solid

Nice flavour a little HARD on the tongue


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

How did the heart become a symbol of love?

Well wonder no more

There she blows and I now know why I like hearts
See you learn something new everyday

Monday, March 5, 2012

Stud fees are a sticky subject

You Little Stud Master

When you're from the country, your perception is a little different to the big city person.

A Free State farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse in his Toyota pickup, and knocked at the door. A boy, about nine years old, opened the door.

"Is your Dad or Mum home?" asked the farmer.

"No, they went to town", said the boy.

"How about your brother Johann. Is he here?" asked the farmer.

"No, he went with Mum and Dad," answered the boy.

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message," said the boy.

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad.... It's about Johan getting my daughter Susana pregnant."

The boy thought for a moment.......................

"You would have to talk to dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Johann."

Friday, March 2, 2012

Spider eats snake

Of all things creepy this Spider
"Photos taken in Bloemfontein South Africa"
eats a snake now thats one bad assed nasty spider












































A receptionist at an electrical company arrived at work in Bloemfontein to see this next to her desk - a snake caught in a spider's web with its predator moving in for a meal.

Astonishingly the snake was off the ground and tangled in the web. And the spider was making short work of tucking in to possibly its biggest meal ever.

Spider expert Leon Lotz from the National Museum told the UK Daily Mail that the spider was a female brown button.


 spiders live for about two years, and usually feed on bugs and moths.
The incident was photographed some time ago, and Lotz uses it as an educational aid.

Nasty shit
What the receptionist has to say about it, we haven't heard...She's still running!