Toffee nosed pirate gets a leg up

A man with  a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy  dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.  A  few days later he receives a parcel with a note:  Dear  Sir, Please find enclosed a  Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald  head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.  The  man is offended that the outfit  emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint..  A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:  Dear  Sir, Sorry about the previous  parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.  The  man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.  So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel  from the company with the accompanying letter Dear  Sir, Please find enclosed a  tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of  Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.