Thursday, May 31, 2012

Real comments from Hospital charts!

Some scary stuff think i will avoid our hospitals


1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in   the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Monday, May 28, 2012

The real story of Adam and Eve

One day, after what seemed an eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam called out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Adam?" God replied.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."

"Oh, and why is that, Adam?" came the reply from the heavens.

 "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all the beautiful animals, but I'm lonely".

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'Woman' for you".

"What's a 'Woman', Lord?"

"This 'Woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy.Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you," replied the heavenly voice.

"Wow, she sounds great, Lord." "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."

"How much will this 'Woman' cost me Lord?" Adam inquired. "She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle." Adam pondered this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face.

 Finally Adam said to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"

 And that's how modern woman was created.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The picture of Jacob Zuma that's causing all the fuss

SPEAR OF THE NATION: Portrait of Zuma with his manhood exposed
PessimistInc
For the record personally I find the picture disrespectful and in bad taste

The controversial painting that shows South African President Jacob Zuma with his pants down has been defaced in a gallery in Johannesburg. 
Two men are in police custody, the South African Press Association reported: one is said to be a university professor, another is identified simply as a 25-year-old. 
They are accused of vandalizing the picture, titled 'The Spear,' at the Goodman Gallery in Johannesburg this morning. 
According to SAPA, a third man was also arrested for attempting to spray paint the word "respect" onto a wall near the artwork.
The incident was caught on camera by a local TV crew, whose footage shows a middle-aged white man painting a red cross over Zuma's face. A younger black man covers the rest of Zuma's body with black paint, before being restrained by a security guard who at one point headbutts the suspect and tackles him to the ground. 
"I'm doing this because the painting is disrespectful to President Zuma," one of the men told the BBC's correspondent, who witnessed the attack.
The work of artist Brett Murray, the depiction of Zuma showing his naked genitals was under threat of removal after the ruling ANC party went to court to have it taken off display.
The $14,000, 1.85 meter-high painting was described by its creator as "an attempt at humorous satire of political power and patriarchy" that was never intended "to cause any hurt or to harm the dignity of any person," IOL News quoted Murray as saying.
President Zuma, however, said it was "an undignified depiction of my personality and seeks to create doubt about my personality in the eyes of fellow citizens, family and children."
The ANC's request to have the Goodman Gallery remove the painting from its display, website and promotional materials received a first hearing this morning, the BBC reported, and is due to go before a full bench of the High Court on Thursday. 
******
Of course a clever dick got a chicken outlet in on the fuss with a viral email using cutting advertising  see below - They not scared to show there Cock
Its a Cock alright

How to make the ultimate MAN size sandwich

Every mans dream lunch
They say a picture speaks a thousand mouthfuls

















Now tell me that's not a mouthful