Cat scans are a piece of cake when you informed

I feel much better now!

All I ever wanted to know

Bill Clinton on the Russian "Pussy Riot" question

Bill my man not so much enthusiasm 

Poor old Bill cant help himself

Another picture of Jacob Zumas penis in the wind

Where will it end its becoming embarrassing now?
The president of South Africa
Jacob Zuma

Umshini Wam by Ayanda Mabuli

According to the Star newspaper, artist Ayanda Mabulu's painting of Zuma wearing traditional attire and his penis exposed, entitledUmshini Wam is part of an exhibition called Our Fathers.

The exhibition also has works of artist Brett Murray whose controversial painting, The Spear, resulted in protests against Johannesburg's Goodman Gallery in May.

The Spear, another painting depicting Zuma with his genitals exposed, was later removed by the Goodman Gallery and the City Press website. The artwork was also classified with a rating of 16N by the Film and Publication Board because it displays nudity.

Mabulu's painting is priced at R75 000.

"He is not naked; I did not paint him with an uncircumcised penis. This is a metaphor that shows he is not a boy; he is a man, an elder, a father, a leader," Mabulu was quoted as saying.

Veet and the joys of removing hair from your tackle

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.  I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen - by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.  I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-

Prince Harry plays nude billiards!

Guess what surfaced at TMZ?
Prince Harry in the Nude!

The prince hit up several exclusive pool parties over the weekend (with Ryan Lochte, no less) and was seen chatting with plenty of bikini-clad fans. But the party moved inside on Friday night, TMZ reports exclusively, where Prince Harry brought a large group back to his VIP suite for a game of strip billiards -- and got totally naked.

In the leaked photos obtained by TMZ, Prince Harry (or a pale redhead man who looks a lot like him) appears cupping his crotch and tackling another billiards player sans clothes. The only thing he seems to be wearing, in fact, is a pendant necklace, the same one he wore later to the pool on Saturday.

I presume this will be the latest family portrait

 click over to TMZ.com to read more details.

Nandos Lemon and Herb African style baby

Nandos famous lemon and herb chicken originated in South Africa so its only fitting to trick this traditional herbalist list out in jest

Hows that for an advertising spoof using

the all prevalent African quack doctor

bullshit list seen on the streets

everyday  

Blonde caught for speeding by traffic officer

Blondes are not as dumb as you might think guys

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

No Bake Fridge tart yummy yummy

Yummy Yummy Fridge Tart

Quick and easy

Ingredients:

1 (128 g) packet lemon jelly (usually to make up to 570ml or 1 pint jelly)

1 (405 g) can condensed milk

500 g yogurt, your chosen flavour

10 digestive biscuits or 10 graham crackers

1 tablespoon butter or 1 tablespoon margarine, melted

Directions:

1 Crush the biscuits- I put them in a plastic bag and crush with a rolling pin.

2 Add the melted butter, mix well and press hard into the bottom of your pie dish.

3 Refrigerate for 1 hour.

4 Make up the jelly packet with only HALF the liquid (to make about 285ml jelly).

5 Add the condensed milk FIRST and stir.

6 Add the yoghurt and stir. 

7 Pour onto the chilled biscuit base and refrigerate immediately for 1 hour.

8 Decorate if desired.

9 You can double the mix by using gelatine, mixed with half the recommended water, a 300g carton of cream cheese and another 500g yogurt.

Mars Lander Curiosity sends back amazing pics

 Amazing Pics from the Red Planet

 These guys must of watched movies like "Mars Attacks"

and "District 9"

Oscar Pistorius runs kindest race of all

South Africa's own Olympian

Oscar Pistorius and Ellie

Click on picks for full size

He has been called the fastest man on no legs. But Oscar 'Blade Runner' Pistorius got a run for his money when five-year-old Ellie Challis challenged him to a race on their bionic feet. Paralympian Pistorius, world record holder for double amputees at 100, 200 and 400 metres, may have made some allowance for age and the fact that Ellie's blades were fitted only last month. But she had clearly learned quicker than he bargained for Ellie crossed the line first in all four of their 15-metre races. The youngster, from Little Clacton, Essex, lost her hands and lower legs after contracting meningitis at 16 months. 

Ellie races with Oscar Pistorious in this May 17, photo.

Ellie having won all three of there fifteen meter races is over the moon 

shows you how one act of kindness can bring so much joy

HOW Important is Eye Makeup?

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT GUYS READ THIS TOO...JUST SO THEY KNOW TO WHAT EXTREMES WOMEN WILL GO TO ATTRACT THEM.

Ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes. That's why it's so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied. Remember, if it weren't for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn't get a second look from most guys...

I could be wrong – I’ve been 

wrong before!