Never leave your Facebook logged in

Poor kid forgot to logout of his facebook profile

in an Apple store and dad tries to save him from

some nasty dude on his profile "ouch"!

Guess who wont do that again?

Paddy gets baptised by accident

Paddy the Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the  preacher...

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for alittle longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

Charlene Wittstock almost a runaway bride

Cold feet Charlene?

Wish me luck, as you wave me goodbye.

Cheerio, here I go, on my way

PRINCE Albert of Monaco's fiancée Charlene Wittstock tried to flee the tiny principality on a one-way ticket back to her homeland, (South Africa) L'Express reports.

The reports come just days before Wittstock and her royal beau are set to tie the knot in a $75 million wedding.

According to the French news website, a “shaken” Wittstock fled to the airport in Nice after discovering a new revelation about her future husband, but was stopped by police acting on royal orders who persuaded the former swimming champ not to leave.

A member of Monaco’s billionaire Pastor property clan was brought in to act as an intermediary, the magazine also claims

But, with just 48 hours to go until the extravagant three day event kicks off, the royal palace's publicity machine has gone into overdrive, denying reports of Wittstock's airport dash.

"A few days before the marriage of His Most Serene Highness Prince Albert with Miss Charlene Wittstock, the princely palace firmly denies the lying allegations," the palace said in a statement.

"These rumours have the sole aim of harming the image of the sovereign and consequently that of Miss Wittstock, and cause serious damage to this happy event."

The bride-to-be is now in Paris ahead of this weekend's wedding, a major event on the European social calendar that brings back memories of the wedding of Albert's father, Prince Rainier III, to the American actress Grace Kelly in 1956.

Guests invited to the three-day celebrations will quaff hundreds of bottles Perrier-Jouët Champagne, enjoy a multi-course dinner from three-Michelin star chef Alain Ducasse and be entertained by a concert by the Eagles, The New York Times reports.

Australian swimmer Sophie Edington and her partner, Melbourne Rebels player Adam Byrnes, will reportedly join the Earl and Countess of Wessex, President Nicolas Sarkozy, Naomi Campbell, Karl Lagerfeld, Giorgio Armani, Richard Branson, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Top Shop tycoon Philip Green at the ultra-extravagant bash.

The sheer beauty of Nick Brandt’s photography

Born in 1966 and raised in London, England, Brandt studied Painting, and then Film at St. Martins School of Art.

He moved to America in 1992 and directed many award-winning music videos for the likes of Michael Jackson (Earth Song, Stranger in Moscow, Cry), Moby, Jewel (singer), Embrace, XTC, Badly Drawn Boy).

It was while directing “Earth Song”, a music video for Jackson in Tanzania, in 1995 that Brandt fell in love with the animals and land of East Africa. Over the next few years, frustrated that he could not capture on film his feelings about and love for animals, he realized there was a way to achieve this through photography, in a way that he felt no-one had really done before.

His photography bears little relation to the colour documentary-style wildlife photography that is the norm. He photographs on medium-format black and white film without telephoto or zoom lenses which means getting up close and personal with his subjects.

Just a little of Nicks vision and brilliance

Beautiful work that captures Africa's spirit

Molee molee molee

Austin Powers would love this!

Cool hair style for a Molee molee

New angle on Einstein’s theory of Relativity

WHO KNEW ...

Einstein was born March 14, 1879.

He would be 132, on his next birthday, if he were alive today.

Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed.

Therefore:

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA or relative connection.

This came to be known as ...

Einstein's Theory of "Relative Titty."
It's true look it up people

South African Charlene Wittstock in Vogue

Charlene Wittstock did an interview with Vogue. She talks about her relationship with Prince Albert II and how they met. She chats about their wedding plans and how she intends to start a Monaco Fashion Week.

On meeting a prince
The first time Prince Albert saw Charlene Wittstock, she was in a swimsuit. A former competitive swimmer who has won numerous championships and represented South Africa in the 2000 Olympics, Wittstock was taking part in an event in Monaco when she caught the prince’s eye ten years ago. “It was incredibly flattering,” she recalls. “After seeing me swim, Albert asked my management for permission to take me out. We spent the whole evening laughing and talking.”

Charlene Wittstock in a swimsuit

On cultivating her personal style:
“Finding my fashion feet has certainly been the biggest challenge,” she says, remembering her “trial by fire” at Monaco’s 2007 Red Cross Ball. “‘I was literally a fish out of water. I thought it was all fun, fun, fun, and didn’t give my outfit any thought. I had been playing beach volleyball all day, painted my nails red, and threw on a green dress. I thought I looked great at the time, but looking back, I realize that my debut into Monaco society should have been better executed!”

On listening to other people about how she should dress:
“I was insecure. I felt pressure to err on the side of caution — I was terrified of meeting a head of state in an over-the-top outfit….I’ve reached the point where I know what I like and what works. I’m starting to play with fresher, bolder, and more daring looks.” She was helped by Giorgio Armani, who will dress her for the religious part of her wedding and who notes that her casual elegance and slender figure look equally good in suits and evening gowns with necklines “that emphasize the beautiful structure of her shoulders.”

On her relationship with Karl Lagerfeld:
“Karl took me to his workshop in Paris. He said, ‘You are going to be a style icon. You bring a breath of fresh air and modern glamour to Monaco.’ Then he asked me if there was one item of clothing that I had always wanted to experiment with, and I replied, ‘A smoking jacket.’ He went back to his apartment and presented me with his own white shirt and smoking jacket from his closet.

See the Vogue Interview http://www.vogue.com/fit-for-a-princess-charlene-wittstock

The craze in China of dyeing your pet

Well this makes a welcome change from eating your pet!!!

These little bundles of joy are actually chow chow dogs that have been dyed black-and-white to look like pandas.

Dyeing pets has been a trend in pet pampering for quite some time. At last summer's Pets Show Taipei, there was a fierce dog-dyeing competition. Check out photos.

But dyeing your pets to look like other wild animals is a more recent development.

The trend demonstrates how quickly and dramatically attitudes toward pets — particularly dogs — have changed in many parts of Asia.

In Taiwan, for example, just 10 years ago, dogs were still eaten in public restaurants and raised on farms for that purpose. Traditional Chinese medicine held that so-called "fragrant meat" from dogs could fortify one's health.

These dogs were put on show after being transferred to Zhenghou from

southwest China's Sichuan province

Sure beats sweet and sour chow-mein

Now, eating dog is viewed by many as an embarrassing reminder of a poorer time.

With more money to spend, newly wealthy Chinese have embraced dog-owning culture with a vengeance. Dogs are brought into restaurants, fussed over in public, dressed up in ridiculous outfits and dyed to look like ferocious tigers.

Panda or chow chow? Tiger or retriever? You be the judge:

Hey Tiger where is Panda and when is Kung fu Panda 3 due out?

Another scam on the streets

Lets play hide the sausage 

Priests are human like anybody else

A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.

The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"

"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a full size blow up doll of a naked woman in true to life detail and she?s wearing only a fig leaf."

"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.

The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"

"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"

"No thanks you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.

"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked blow up doll, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"

Annual Naked Bike Ride Event an Eyeful

World Naked Bike Ride is a globally observed event among hard-core bikers designed, at least ostensibly, to promote the use of the bicycle for transportation

This event was held in Portland Oregan

I think there were a few squirrels who sat on their nuts this year :o)

Never mind all the skid marks!

Some times a dress is just wrong

And this is one of those dresses!

You think the bow is what?

Men’s logic never fails to astound me!

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

You know what Martha?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck.... “

This is the way Africans roll

Now thats a cool dude

Amazing how easy a beer in hand makes life

Victim of stupidity shoots his finger of with a shotgun

Their is Dumb and Dumber and then just plain

stupid and that's this Plonker!

A British man desperate to rid himself of a pesky wart used a rather unorthodox method to remove it - a shotgun.

The weapon blasted away the growth, along with most of his middle finger.

Sean Murphy ended up facing charges for possessing an illegal weapon, but dodged jail time, The Star in England reported.

"I know I could have gone to jail for up to 15 years for a firearms offense," the 38-year-old told the newspaper.

"The best thing is that the wart has gone," he added. "It was giving me lot of trouble."

Murphy, who hails from Doncaster in northern England, had lost his job as a security guard shortly before the incident in March.

The wart, which was about the size of a dime, plagued him for at least five years, The Star reported.

"It was hurting a lot and causing my finger to bend," Murphy said. "I'd been to the doctors and tried all sorts of things, but it wouldn't go."

Murphy's lawyer, Richard Heigh, said his client was a "victim of his own stupidity."

"Stupidity" ----Ya think? Man this guy is dumber than an Irish Brick

Now thats funny been there done that some woman take forever

Had to put it in it's funny

Tell me you not laughing....

So did you get to watch the Eclipe?

No not the vampire trilogy I am talking about the Lunar eclipse on 15th which we sat and watched at home it was truly quite a spectacular event.

Starting at bottom going from your right to left
 for your perusal and pleasure is what it looked
 like using time lapse photography

At its peak, the total eclipse of the moon  lasted 100 minutes, making it the longest lunar eclipse in 11 years.

We were lucky enough to have perfect weather for the occasion. A lot of the neighbours made an occasion of it and sat with there kids watching and explaining the whole occurrence

So I was just wondering how this occurrence affected the Werewolf's in the neighbourhood, one minute full moon the next no moon kinda freaky hey?

Fancy a poop burger

Something tells me this is a load of shit

I have eaten some crappy burgers but you wont catch me eating this lot!!!!

Some hardcore carnivores have a hard time finding meat alternatives such as soy protein or tofu burgers to be palatable. But non-meat eaters may lose their appetite along with their carnivorous friends over this one – a meat alternative made from HUMAN EXCREMENT. Yep, you heard me correctly — Japanese scientist Mitsuyuki Ikeda has developed a “burger” made from soya, steak sauce essence, and protein extracted from human feces.

Somehow this feels like a plot line from hell: population boom equals food shortage. Solution? Synthesize food from human waste matter. Absurd yes, but Japanese scientists have actually discovered a way to create edible steaks from human feces.

Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.

The researchers then extracted those proteins, combined them with a reaction enhancer and put it in an exploder which created the artificial steak. The “meat” is 63% proteins, 25% carbohydrates, 3% lipids and 9% minerals. The researchers color the poop meat red with food coloring and enhance the flavor with soy protein. Initial tests have people saying it even tastes like beef.

It is fact “the meatpacking industry causes 18 percent of our greenhouse gas emissions, mostly due to the release of methane from animals.” Livestock also consume huge amounts of resources and space in efforts to feed ourselves as well as the controversy over cruelty to animals. Ikeda’s recycled poop burger would reduce waste and emissions, not to mention obliterating Dante’s circle for gluttons.

The scientists hope to price it the same as actual meat, but at the moment the excrement steaks are ten to twenty times the price they should be thanks to the cost of research. Professor Ikeda understands the psychological barriers that need to be surmounted knowing that your food is made from human feces. They hope that once the research is complete, people will be able to overlook that ugly detail in favor of perks like environmental responsibility, cost and the fact that the meat will have fewer calories.

Waste not; want not or poop a lot and eat more

Two pics that tickled my funny bone today

Take a Gawk at this photo nothing weird you say

So whats going on with that shadow on the wall!
<<<<<<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>>
You said how cold?

Ball busting cold old chap

Best comeback line in a long time

Well this guy was no Pumpkin head

Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the  County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"

Jason Statham's girl Rosie Huntington-Whitely is hot

I now see why Jason is in the "Transporter Business" i would also transport that merchandise anywhere!

She has one of the most enviable figures on the planet, likely maintained through serious self control and a rigorous workout regimen.

But apparently Rosie Huntington-Whiteley can't stop stuffing her face.

The 24-year-old supermodel turned actress admitted she loves eating food - especially junk - as she stripped off to her underwear for a sultry new cover for Maxim magazine.

Cover girl: Rosie Huntington-Whitely graces the front Maxim Magazine in some racy black underwear for their July issue

'I just don't stop doing it,' she said of her veracious appetite during the interview with the men's magazine which this year voted her number one on their top hot 100 list.

'I love eating really, really bad things, like roast dinners and chocolate bread and butter pudding.'

Posing in a black push up bra with matching knickers and suspenders, the model shows off her natural beauty and slender curves.

And the star said since moving from the UK to the States she is craving it more than ever.

Happy couple: Rosie with her British actor boyfriend Jason Statham for whom she relocated to Los Angeles

She told the magazine: 'It's my soul, England.'

'I miss the people, the culture, the food.'

"I find it strange that people say English food is bad.
'To me, it's delicious. I've never really considered it but I was thinking the other day that maybe it's strange to have beans on toast for breakfast.'

Smoking hot in a Victoria Secret shoot

Nice real nice

However despite her cravings for her home land, Rosie has relocated to Los Angeles and has been living with her boyfriend, action movie actor Jason Statham.

The 43-year-old Transporter star is currently building a house in the Hollywood Hills which the pair are set to move into upon completion.

Rosie, 24, will next be seen on screen in Transformers: Dark of the Moon the third film in the franchise which is set to hit screens on June 29.

She recently topped Maxim's Hot 100 list of sexy women as well as coming number one on FHM's World's Sexiest Women poll.

Original Post http://www.dailymail.co.uk/Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley

The 84 year old brides recipe for success fourth time around

Ah the wisdom of age my friends

How to become "Captain Morgan" the Pirate Legend

Two liter Coke not included

Thought that was funny seeing as

Captain Morgan Rum

is so popular

Russell Crowe on circumcision causes a stir

Australian actor Russell Crowe has taken to his Twitter page to speak out against circumcision on Thursday and caused somewhat of a furore.

When one of Crowe's followers asked him whether they or she should circumcise their son, Crowe took the opportunity to voice his opinion on the contentious matter.

"Circumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin? Babies are perfect," Crowe tweeted.

When one of Crowe's followers made the argument for the hygienic benefits of circumcision, he responded by tweeting: "Hygienic? Why don't you sew up your ass then?"

Religious issues

Crowe was quickly reminded by followers that circumcision is a cardinal element of many religious groups' beliefs, especially in the context of the Jewish faith.

Once again Crow responded, saying: "Many Jewish friends, I love my Jewish friends, I love the apples and the honey and the funny little hats but stop cutting yr babies."

In conclusion to the Twitter furore that had subsequently erupted, Crowe tweeted: "I will always stand for the perfection of babies, i will always believe in God, not man's interpretation of what God requires."

Nice one Russell be interesting to hear what all the religious nuts think? I don't think God builds us in his image and then wants us to do modifications!

Gorilla and little duck make unlikely friends

Great photo by Tom Warren

So do you come this way often?

Western Lowland Gorilla and Mallard Duck, Bronx Zoo,

 New York, U.S.

'While mallards are commonly found throughout North America and across Eurasia, the peaceful, family-bound gorillas are highly endangered and struggle with loss of habitat, poaching, and disease. Scientists are working with the Republic of Congo government to establish a national complex of protected areas. This zone is among the most important for western lowland gorillas of equatorial Africa. The Bronx Zoo helps raise funds for the Wildlife Conservation Society to protect these magnificent primates.

'Upon arriving at the Bronx Zoo's Congo Gorilla Forest exhibit, I noticed there was an excitement among those viewing the animals. We all watched with amazement as a tiny duckling wandered among the huge western lowland gorillas, who eyed the fuzzy visitor with curiosity. The duckling did not seem the least bit intimidated and for good reason, as Africa's gentle giants eat mostly fruits and plants. How fortunate I was to witness a wonderful moment between two unlikely friends.'

Camera: Nikon D80; 180mm /2.8 lens; B+W clear UV haze filter; 1/200 sec at /2.8; ISO 640; hand-held.

Planking is out and Cone-ing is in.....

Yes, people there's a new craze for summer. It's called cone-ing and it is a new craze like planking which is just so yesterday.

Planking the craze where people get photos of themselves lying prone in various places was the new big thing.

But it may be time to stand up and try cone-ing, according to eater.com. It involves ordering a soft-serve ice cream cone and grabbing the ice cream instead of the cone.

Messy, yes. Attention-getting, definitely.

You just have to see the faces of drivethru attendants when you grab just the cream part of the cone out of there hands and not the wafer cone. For added effect ask for discount as you only took the ice cream and not the cone :0)

Me, I'm more of a traditionalist. But if this is your thing, go for it!