How do you turn a Pussy into a Donkey - Pay it!

Zimbabwe Hearald 25th October

A Zimbabwean man has told a court that he hired a prostitute who during the night transformed into a donkey, and that he is now “seriously in love” with the animal, state media said on Wednesday.

“I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey,” Sunday Moyo told the court, according to The Herald newspaper.

Moyo, 28, was arrested in the town of Zvishavane, about 300km south of the capital Harare on Sunday.

He said he had paid $25 for a prostitute, and was surprised Sunday morning when he heard people accusing him of having sex with a donkey.

Moyo has been charged with bestiality. The court has ordered him to undergo a mental examination, The Herald said...

Mascarpone and date tart

Simply yummy the Date Tart

 

Ingredients 

• 1 1/2 cups plain flour
• 125g butter, chilled and cut into cubes
• 2 egg yolks
• 1 tablespoon chilled water
• 1 Packet of dried pitted dates safari will do
• 1/2 cup of chopped almonds
• 5 ginger cookies
• 1 tbs Brandy
• 250g mascarpone cheese, at room temperature
• 1/2 cup thickened cream
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 tablespoons caster sugar
• 1 tablespoon cornflour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• double cream, to serve
• cocoa powder, to serve (optional)

Method

1. Place the flour and butter into a food processor. Process until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Add the egg yolks and chilled water. Process until the dough just comes together.
2. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth. Form into a circle, 3cm thick and 15cm in diameter. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes or until firm. Preheat the oven to 200°C. Grease a 23cm (base measurement) fluted tart tin. Roll the pastry between two sheets of baking paper until large enough to line the tart tin. Ease the pastry into the prepared tart tin and trim any excess. Place in the fridge to chill for 20 minutes.
3. Line the pastry with a sheet of baking paper and fill with pastry weights, rice or dried beans. Place the tart tin onto a baking tray, and bake for 10 minutes. Remove the baking paper and weights, rice or dried beans. Cook for a further 10-15 minutes or until light golden. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.
4. Place the dates almonds and ginger cookies in a blender with a tabelspoon of brandy and blend. Place this mix on the the pastry base. Combine the remaining ingredients and whisk until smooth. Gently pour custard mixture over dates.
5. Bake for 35-40 minutes or until the custard is golden and set. Cool and refrigerate. Serve with double cream and dusted with cocoa powder, if desired.

South African tycoon stages Gaddafi party!

Kenny Kunene celebrates 41st by dressing up as the deposed leader, accompanied by models in camouflage bikinis

Flamboyant South African businessman Kenny Kunene celebrated by dressing up as one of his idols, Muammar Gaddafi, in a flowing cream robe.

He surrounded himself with six models wearing camouflage-pattern bikinis and brandishing fake AK47 rifles – an apparent reference to Gaddafi's infamous "Amazonian guard".

The multimillion rand celebrations, held last week in Alexandra township in Johannesburg, also featured pictures of the deposed Libyan leader on huge TV screens.

Kunene said he was inspired by Nelson Mandela's loyalty to Gaddafi as a supporter of the liberation struggle in Africa.

"I'm very political," Kunene told the Guardian. "I looked at what's happening in Libya and know Gaddafi was overthrown for oil by America and Britain. I felt that I wanted to celebrate Gaddafi as a living legend for contributing to the liberation we enjoy today. I was celebrating him as a father of the liberation struggle. Unfortunately he died the same week."

Asked about his Gaddafi-style costume, Kunene said: "I felt I needed to celebrate him in the way that he lived. I loved his outfits. I don't care if they say they were tasteless. He believed in Africa. He was a man of style and he knew how to dress.

"People at the party were excited. They said, 'You are forever a role model for us'.
He added: "He was the only president I knew who had female bodyguards. I don't denigrate women; I respect them. Girls fight to be around me at parties because I give them a lot of career opportunities and pay them for it. Not just black girls but white girls too."

Gaddafi's death "really hurt," Kunene said. "He died like a martyr. He did not run away from his country. He said he would die there and he did.

"The man had long years as a ruler but I don't think the world has been exposed to the good he did for his country. It is Britain and America who create dictators because the leaders dare not step down for fear of prosecution.

"The international courts have never prosecuted Britain and America for the people they kill in oil-rich countries. I don't hate British people, I don't hate American people. I just hate the governments' way of doing things in other countries."

Nightclub owner Kunene's birthday party last year, costing more than 700,000 rand (or £63,000) triggered a national debate. Images of him eating sushi off half-naked young women earned him the soubriquet "sushi king" and came to symbolise the alleged excesses of South Africa's new black elite. This time, however, he claimed that there were only two men in the world who understood the protection of women: himself and Gaddafi.

Thousands of township residents attended the party, the Star, Johannesburg, reported and were served African cuisine such including as dumplings, tripe and chicken feet.

Kunene, a former teacher who spent six years in prison for fraud, has apparently planned no fewer than six birthday parties. He is not alone in expressing sympathy for Libya's fallen autocrat. Floyd Shivambu, spokesman for the African National Congress Youth League, said last week: "Brother Leader was ruthlessly killed by rebels armed by Nato forces, who invaded Libya because of its natural resources."
The fact that he was killed in combat was an "inspiration to many freedom fighters across the continent and the world", Shivambu added.

Original from the http://guardian.co.uk

Age gives wisdom and wisdom brings fun

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.  The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man, seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know that," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!  

Gaddafi's last moments

A warning to all the dictators out there

There is a saying and it goes like this

"You reap what you sow"

The last few moments of Gaddafi's life became clearer today as pictures surfaced of the moment a handgun was pushed to his temple.

Seconds later the spluttering dictator can no longer be heard. The next scenes show the tyrant's lifeless body on the ground. His eyes are closed and he's not breathing.

Amid reports tonight that the National Transitional Council will hand over the dead dictator's corpse to members of his extended family, the dramatic footage may clear up some of the mystery surrounding Gaddafi's death as his widow calls for an inquiry into how her husband died.

The images appear to dispell claims from Libya's new government that the former leader was killed by crossfire on the way to hospital. Instead, they point to a frenzied execution surrounded by jeering rebels.



Rebel fighter Nabil Ali Dagouich, who was there at the capture, shows off Gaddafi's golden gun