How do you turn a Pussy into a Donkey - Pay it!

Zimbabwe Hearald 25th October

A Zimbabwean man has told a court that he hired a prostitute who during the night transformed into a donkey, and that he is now “seriously in love” with the animal, state media said on Wednesday.

“I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey,” Sunday Moyo told the court, according to The Herald newspaper.

Moyo, 28, was arrested in the town of Zvishavane, about 300km south of the capital Harare on Sunday.

He said he had paid $25 for a prostitute, and was surprised Sunday morning when he heard people accusing him of having sex with a donkey.

Moyo has been charged with bestiality. The court has ordered him to undergo a mental examination, The Herald said...

Mascarpone and date tart

Simply yummy the Date Tart

 

Ingredients 

• 1 1/2 cups plain flour
• 125g butter, chilled and cut into cubes
• 2 egg yolks
• 1 tablespoon chilled water
• 1 Packet of dried pitted dates safari will do
• 1/2 cup of chopped almonds
• 5 ginger cookies
• 1 tbs Brandy
• 250g mascarpone cheese, at room temperature
• 1/2 cup thickened cream
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 tablespoons caster sugar
• 1 tablespoon cornflour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• double cream, to serve
• cocoa powder, to serve (optional)

Method

1. Place the flour and butter into a food processor. Process until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Add the egg yolks and chilled water. Process until the dough just comes together.
2. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth. Form into a circle, 3cm thick and 15cm in diameter. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes or until firm. Preheat the oven to 200°C. Grease a 23cm (base measurement) fluted tart tin. Roll the pastry between two sheets of baking paper until large enough to line the tart tin. Ease the pastry into the prepared tart tin and trim any excess. Place in the fridge to chill for 20 minutes.
3. Line the pastry with a sheet of baking paper and fill with pastry weights, rice or dried beans. Place the tart tin onto a baking tray, and bake for 10 minutes. Remove the baking paper and weights, rice or dried beans. Cook for a further 10-15 minutes or until light golden. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.
4. Place the dates almonds and ginger cookies in a blender with a tabelspoon of brandy and blend. Place this mix on the the pastry base. Combine the remaining ingredients and whisk until smooth. Gently pour custard mixture over dates.
5. Bake for 35-40 minutes or until the custard is golden and set. Cool and refrigerate. Serve with double cream and dusted with cocoa powder, if desired.

South African tycoon stages Gaddafi party!

Kenny Kunene celebrates 41st by dressing up as the deposed leader, accompanied by models in camouflage bikinis

Flamboyant South African businessman Kenny Kunene celebrated by dressing up as one of his idols, Muammar Gaddafi, in a flowing cream robe.

He surrounded himself with six models wearing camouflage-pattern bikinis and brandishing fake AK47 rifles – an apparent reference to Gaddafi's infamous "Amazonian guard".

The multimillion rand celebrations, held last week in Alexandra township in Johannesburg, also featured pictures of the deposed Libyan leader on huge TV screens.

Kunene said he was inspired by Nelson Mandela's loyalty to Gaddafi as a supporter of the liberation struggle in Africa.

"I'm very political," Kunene told the Guardian. "I looked at what's happening in Libya and know Gaddafi was overthrown for oil by America and Britain. I felt that I wanted to celebrate Gaddafi as a living legend for contributing to the liberation we enjoy today. I was celebrating him as a father of the liberation struggle. Unfortunately he died the same week."

Asked about his Gaddafi-style costume, Kunene said: "I felt I needed to celebrate him in the way that he lived. I loved his outfits. I don't care if they say they were tasteless. He believed in Africa. He was a man of style and he knew how to dress.

"People at the party were excited. They said, 'You are forever a role model for us'.
He added: "He was the only president I knew who had female bodyguards. I don't denigrate women; I respect them. Girls fight to be around me at parties because I give them a lot of career opportunities and pay them for it. Not just black girls but white girls too."

Gaddafi's death "really hurt," Kunene said. "He died like a martyr. He did not run away from his country. He said he would die there and he did.

"The man had long years as a ruler but I don't think the world has been exposed to the good he did for his country. It is Britain and America who create dictators because the leaders dare not step down for fear of prosecution.

"The international courts have never prosecuted Britain and America for the people they kill in oil-rich countries. I don't hate British people, I don't hate American people. I just hate the governments' way of doing things in other countries."

Nightclub owner Kunene's birthday party last year, costing more than 700,000 rand (or £63,000) triggered a national debate. Images of him eating sushi off half-naked young women earned him the soubriquet "sushi king" and came to symbolise the alleged excesses of South Africa's new black elite. This time, however, he claimed that there were only two men in the world who understood the protection of women: himself and Gaddafi.

Thousands of township residents attended the party, the Star, Johannesburg, reported and were served African cuisine such including as dumplings, tripe and chicken feet.

Kunene, a former teacher who spent six years in prison for fraud, has apparently planned no fewer than six birthday parties. He is not alone in expressing sympathy for Libya's fallen autocrat. Floyd Shivambu, spokesman for the African National Congress Youth League, said last week: "Brother Leader was ruthlessly killed by rebels armed by Nato forces, who invaded Libya because of its natural resources."
The fact that he was killed in combat was an "inspiration to many freedom fighters across the continent and the world", Shivambu added.

Original from the http://guardian.co.uk

Age gives wisdom and wisdom brings fun

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.  The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man, seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know that," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!  

Gaddafi's last moments

A warning to all the dictators out there

There is a saying and it goes like this

"You reap what you sow"

The last few moments of Gaddafi's life became clearer today as pictures surfaced of the moment a handgun was pushed to his temple.

Seconds later the spluttering dictator can no longer be heard. The next scenes show the tyrant's lifeless body on the ground. His eyes are closed and he's not breathing.

Amid reports tonight that the National Transitional Council will hand over the dead dictator's corpse to members of his extended family, the dramatic footage may clear up some of the mystery surrounding Gaddafi's death as his widow calls for an inquiry into how her husband died.

The images appear to dispell claims from Libya's new government that the former leader was killed by crossfire on the way to hospital. Instead, they point to a frenzied execution surrounded by jeering rebels.



Rebel fighter Nabil Ali Dagouich, who was there at the capture, shows off Gaddafi's golden gun

Armchair reading for the twisted

Just a bit of the weird stuff i have come across this week some quite twisted

Designer Vagina's (What the hell)  
http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/sarahbritten/Vaginas/

Ashton Kutcher's been a naughty boy  
http://www.thesuperficial.com/ashton-kutcher-january-jones-pregnant-xander-10-2011

Man Mummified for a TV show
 http://www.iol.co.za/news/body-mummified

Absolute funny shit 
 http://www.geekfill.com/

Weird shit is not the name of the stuff in here
http://fantasticallyweirdshit.tumblr.com/

Fred and the speed cop a lost case....

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

V8 Land-Cruiser in Saudi falls down a 60m well

You'd think that they'd at least put up a flag to let people know there's a friggin 100 mt hole there.  This happened in Saudi a few days ago.

In areas where there is fresh water under ground the locals dig wells and support the sides with concrete and stones to keep the sand from  falling back in to the well. Some of these are up to 100 meters deep.

This particular one was 60 meters deep and 4 meters wide, located outside the small town of Ryad in the center of Saudi. The guys went out in the desert for a bit of 4X4 fun on a Thursday when one of them drove in to the well and dropped 60 meters to the bottom with his V8 Cruiser.

Rescue workers retrieved the car and the driver had a mild concussion from hitting his head against the wind screen. Hard to believe he is alive.

Arab fellow looking rather sorry for himself

USA in a cash crisis so the Queen makes a declaration

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’). (I love that one) Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’ ‘ (I love that one too)

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen

Involuntary Muscle Contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably playing golf with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!

Rules of snooker question?

This is for all you know it all guys out there that think you know all the rules to all the games

I could find no rules or regulations concerning the use of ether the left or right hand when using a bridge for balance in awkward shots or positions?

You see i am not nearly as clued up as most of you think and don't know all the rules to some of the finer games gentleman play  

And so without further ado

Is the below considered to be cheating?

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It really doesn't matter to me...I was just wondering

My Blackberry is not working by Ronnie Corbet

A hilarious sketch apt for the problems Blackberry
have at the moment

So whats your medical plan like guys?

Nice Medical Plan

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in. The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating nonstop. The intern asks the doctor giving the tour why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says:"Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up so quickly in his body, he has to masturbate constantly or hes balls will explode."

"Oh, I see," says the intern, wincing.

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a blow job from a nurse.

Again, he asks the doctor, "What is up with THAT??"

The doctor says: "Same condition, better medical plan."

Springboks demise as written by an Australian

My heart, blood and marrow are green

LIMITING THE POWER OF THE WHISTLE

There are no doubt a lot of Australian rugby supporters celebrating our victory over the Springboks yesterday. There are also a number of us that are wondering how on earth we managed to pull it off against a side that dominated possession and territory and lineouts. Now, I don't want to take anything away from the Australian victory - our boys did perform superbly but on the day the Springboks were, we have to admit, the better side. The boks, as always were magnanimous in defeat with a somewhat pragmatic approach to the result. I wonder what our boys would have said  faced with the same situation of blatant incompetence by Mr Bryce Lawrence.

I support Australia and always will but for those of us that believe in fair play this was a hollow victory. This was very much like fighting a worthy opponent with one arm strapped behind his back - it leaves a bad taste. There were rumours about Mr Lawrence's impartiality before kick-off from a lot of ex pat South Africans now living in Australia but we tend to dismiss these conspiracy theories with a grin. Certainly, Mr Lawrence's performance on the field did nothing to dispel those theories. His performance was nothing short of abysmal. He did not award the bok try because of a dubious forward pass. I have looked and looked and to me, anyway, it did not look forward. Minutes later when the boks once again breached our defences and were well on the way to scoring another try, he called them back for a forward pass. If the first call was contentious, there certainly was nothing wrong with the second one.

Here, I must ask - why not use the "eye in the sky"? An impressive expensive
piece of equipment that should be used for such decisions.

He failed to penalise Pocock for slowing the ball down. If we had played
like that against the All Blacks, they would not have been so quiet about
it. - and rightly so. In the dying minutes of the game he was in full view
of at least 2 high tackles by our boys that went unpunished. Any of these
transgressions, if properly acted on, would have surely given the game to
the Boks with their advantage over territory. To rub salt in the South
African wounds, he awarded a high tackle to the Wallabies for a chest high
tackle.

We won, but did we really? Our sport has always been regarded as a
"hooligans game played by gentlemen" - If we do not want rugby union to
degenerate into a farce that soccer can become we need to make sure that our
refs are of suitable calibre. They need to be trustworthy gentlemen.

Mr Lawrence, I would advise against any planned holidays to South Africa for
a couple of years.

Chris Davis

The Australian (Newspaper)

The real face of land redistribution in South Africa

All it took was 4 years….
These are pictures of a sugar/citrus/banana farm right next to Ngwenya
Lodge in Komatipoort, South Africa.

It was sold to (taken by) the SA Government 4 years ago, in their land
reform and re-allocation program whereby the riches are taken from the
white imperialists and distributed among the less advantaged, oppressed
"indigenous" community i.e. black empowerment.

This is what it looked like last week when the previous white owners thought
they were going to look at the development of their old homestead and farm.
They matched each scene (Aug 2011) with a 'before' photo (Jan 2007) and
the last photograph was taken from a helicopter where the remains (shell) of
the house are visible.

Next election may see the rise of certain members of parliament that support
the Mugabe reform ideas, so guess where S.A is heading?

Just one of the many farms that now look like

this ruined and standing unproductive

Deppression can be a big issue

A big issue indeed!

Apparently the Dalai Lama is on his way!

Tutu Tutu

 whats that its

The Dial a Lama

Little Lion Cub rescued in Masai Mara game reserve

Cliffhanger! Lion cub saved by mum in dramatic scenes caught on camera as he cries out pitifully for help

Clinging on for dear life to the side of a vertical cliff, the tiny lion cub cries out pitifully for help.
His mother arrives at the edge of the precipice with three other lionesses and a male. The females start to clamber down together but turn back daunted by the sheer drop.

Eventually one single factor determines which of them will risk her life to save the youngster – motherly love.
The drama begins: The mother arrives at the edge of the cliff as her son cries out for rescue after being trapped when he slipped

On the brink: Four lionesses look over the edge before aborting their rescue mission because of the sheer drop. Slowly, agonisingly, the big cat edges her way down towards her terrified son, using her powerful claws to grip the crumbling cliff side. One slip from her and both animals could end up dead at the bottom of the ravine. Just as the exhausted cub seems about to fall, his mother circles beneath him and he is snatched up in her jaws.

She then begins the equally perilous journey back to the top. Minutes later, they arrive and she gives the frightened creature a consoling lick on the head.

The dramatic rescue, captured by wildlife photographer Jean-Francois Largot, was played out in Kenya’s Masai Mara game reserve. Despite the presence of wardens to deter poachers day-to-day life for the lions is not without its dangers … as the cub learned the hard way. The mother gives her son a lick to say that all is well in the pride following the drama

How the old Bill Clinton and Monica story really happend!

Finally, the true story as told by Hillary to world leaders…....

Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny.
By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn’t remember which door led to the bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain and in fear of blasting in his pants, when he finally found a door that opened.

As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky’s office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice, “Sack my cook.”

That friends is how the whole misunderstanding occurred and the rest is history.

SEXPO 2011 a huge sucess this year

People came from far and wide to attend what can only be described as the ultimate celebration of the sexually liberated in South Africa. This year’s SEXPO held at Gallagher Estate drew crowds from all walks of life and offered them a variety of sensual and sexual entertainment and goods.

By Sunday afternoon, more than 61 000 people had made their way through the various halls of products and entertainment ranging from decadent lingerie to the downright naughty guilty pleasures.

Some of the highlights of the weekend included the amateur strip shows where a few brave SEXPO goers bared all in front of the crowd. Former Miss Nude Australia Miss Suzie Q and her partner Toby J delivered a sensual aerial acrobatic show while the tattooed rock chick Michelle “Bombshell” McGee left many SEXPO goers slack-jawed and entertained with her hardcore pole dancing routine.

Michelle McGee

Another firm favourite of this year’s exhibition, Australian hypnotist Mark Anthony’s show HypNaughty brought out the hidden naughty side of crowd participants. “I love performing at SEXPO and the South African audiences are always fun and very open minded,” said Anthony.

Suzie Q miss nude Australia

While some couples got hitched at the Vegas-style chapel.Every year the Reverend Daniel Brits looks forward to the Sexpo.It’s the time of year when the 58-year-old minister from Cape Town gets to marry South Africans in a place few would imagine – the country’s biggest sex convention.

Brits runs the Love Chapel at the Sexpo and has been part of the convention since it was first established six years ago. "I already have two couples who have booked with me for Saturday (today) – it’s very exciting,” said Brits. “One couple is of the same sex and the other is of different sex (sic). The nice thing about marrying people at the Sexpo is that I marry open-minded couples who are of the new generation,” he said.

Although he says he isn’t perturbed, he has been harshly criticised for taking his ministry to Sexpo.

Other visitors got a taste of the latest trends in lingerie, adult toys, products ranging from massage oils to decadent food and drinks and all in an environment that said, “Hey, it’s OK, everyone does it and there’s no shame in enjoying sex and sensuality.”

What the well dressed female Springboks Rugby supporter should wear

Just perfect people I think all the Lady's should

comply with this dress code what are your thoughts?

Old people rock check this job application

Wal Mart Applicant revealed...Below is an actual job application from a 75 year old senior citizen who solicited the help of his friends to fill it in and then submitted it to Walmart in California . They hired him because he was funny.....

Job Application

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment .

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they
tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond
supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST
OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

There is no substitute for experience

So summers back and you have outgrown your Bikini!

What to say?
Nice little growth spurt keep it up girl